Bill Pollock

Sacto, Calif
wmpollock🐌gmail.com
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Via reddit.  

The furniture store won't stop calling me.  All I wanted was one nightstand.

The man who invented predictive text died last week.  His funfair is next monkey.

I have an Epi-pen.  My friend gave it to me as he was dying. It seemed very important to him that I have it.

A friend admitted to being addicted to brake fluid.  He said he could stop at any time.

I gave my dog cantalope but all she did was look at it wistfully.  I think she's a melon collie.

My friend is in a vegetative state.  Its called Idaho.

If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.

My wife has been missing for a week now.  Today the police called and said prepare for the worst.  So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.

I have a Polish friend who is a sound engineer.  I have a Czech one too.

You know why your Mom's a bannana? Because she's appealing.  

Maybe it works better as potato?